Summary: Sawyer doesn’t envy Marc because he has Jack; He envies Jack because Sawyer has never had a Marc.
Disclaimer: I do not own Lost. At all. I wish but alas...
Author's Note: For elise_509, who loves Jack and who loves Marc because Marc loves Jack. Oh, and there's some Sawyer in here too. ;)
Sawyer likes Marc. But he’s scared of him too. Okay, maybe scared isn’t the right word. It’s more like…intimidated. Which is ridiculous, because Marc is about the least intimidating-looking person that you could ever meet.
He’s nice, smart, funny. He never says or does anything likely to put anyone on-edge. But Sawyer is on-edge anyway, sits up a little straighter, watches his mouth a little bit more closely.
It took him forever to figure out why he even cared. He would battle with the impulse constantly, telling himself that he was never courteous for no reason, so why the hell was Marc so special?
Near as Sawyer can figure, it’s because he wants Marc to like him.
Christian is gone, Margo had died while Jack was away, so Marc is all the family that Jack has left, and all you have to do is watch them together to know that Marc means pretty much the world to Jack. And vice versa.
Marc has known Jack practically their whole lives. They are still best friends, and it matters very much to Jack what Marc thinks.
So, maybe that’s what it’s about. Maybe Sawyer wants Marc to like him so that Jack won’t be taken away from him. Maybe he wants Marc to believe that he’s good for Jack, that he makes him happy, because Sawyer wants to be and hopes that he does.
Maybe that’s how it had started. But the truth is that Sawyer envied their friendship. And it wasn’t even Marc that he was jealous of. It was Jack.
Sawyer knows that he should probably resent Marc a little for how much Jack cares about him, for the bond that they have and the memories that they share. But he doesn’t. Because he knows what he has with Jack. He knows that Jack loves him and that they share a bond all their own as well.
It isn’t Marc that Sawyer envies. Because he has Jack as much as Marc does – maybe even a bit more considering the nature of their relationships. Sawyer doesn’t envy Marc because he has Jack; He envies Jack because Sawyer has never had a Marc.
Sawyer has never had anyone in his life that stuck around and stuck it out as long as Marc has for Jack. The man is far from perfect, Sawyer knows that, and Marc must too. And yet, here he is, after all this time. Still caring about Jack, still being his friend, still standing by him. Sawyer isn’t unaware that he made his own bed and now it’s his own damn fault he’s having trouble lying in it. But he still gets a twinge of jealousy whenever they laugh at some inside joke or finish each other’s sentences when they explain things that they did in their teenage years to Sawyer.
He hopes Jack doesn’t notice, that he buys it when Sawyer nods and smiles along. It isn’t Jack’s fault, what Sawyer’s feeling. He just needs to get a handle on it and, to be quite frank, to get the hell over it. Because Marc is in Jack’s life to stay, and by virtue of that, he’s in Sawyer’s life to stay.
Like Sawyer said, he likes Marc. Likes him so much he wishes he’d had someone like him in his life from the time he was eight. But, Sawyer thinks, maybe Jack can be his Marc now. Because Jack’s seen the worst of him, and he’s still here. Because they have their own jokes and their own memories. And, well, they’re in love. And as great a guy as Marc is, and for as much as he means to Jack, that’s one honor that Sawyer doesn’t share with too many other people. And since those people are nowhere in Jack’s life to be found, Sawyer thinks that maybe he’s had with Jack what he’s wanted all along; something unconditional, something built to last.