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17 October 2008 @ 01:46 pm
Fic: I Wish For This Nighttime To Last for a Lifetime (Dean/Layla)  
Title: I Wish For This Nighttime To Last for a Lifetime
Rating: PG-13
Summary: “The first time we met, and last time we were here, the last time we were sitting on this bed, I told you ‘God works in mysterious ways’.”
Disclaimer: I do not own Supernatural. A girl can dream, but, alas, that's all it is.
Author's Note: Set sometime shortly after 'Are You There, God? It's Me, Dean Winchester'.



He’s been here before. In this room. In this room with her.

“Is this a dream?” he asks her. She’s sitting on the edge of the bed, in that same jacket, jeans, pink shirt she was the last time he saw her. She smiles and tilts her head at him like he’s a little stupid. “Did he send you here? Castiel?”

She studies him a little bit and then asks, “Do you think I’m dead, Dean?”

He opens his mouth and closes it. He’d never thought about it. The words had just come out. Maybe his mind had just assumed. “This feels like the dream before,” he explains. “With me and Cas, and he was goin’ on about angels and the end of the world and Lilith…”

He stops abruptly when he realizes he’s unloading and rambling, that he’s still pissed and unsure and confused. And she’s the last person he wants to direct that at. Whether she’s real or not.

“So you think I’m an angel,” she replies, evenly, still looking at him like she’s trying to see into his mind. But still with the same serene smile he remembers. He stops thinking and looks at her. What can he say to that? He’s afraid if he opens his mouth, something completely corny is gonna pop out.

“You tell me,” he eventually says. “Are you?”

She stands and puts her hands on her sides, takes a few steps closer to him. “No,” she answers. “I’m not an angel.”

He looks at her, even more confused than he was before she’d answered his question. “Then this is just a dream-dream? A regular one?” She lifts her eyebrows at him and shakes her head. He sighs. “Of course not.”

Stepping back, he starts to pace, and she just watches him from the doorway. The doorway he had watched her walk out of what felt like, and, well, was a lifetime ago. He keeps looking at her and looking away, starting to speak and then stopping again before he doesn’t trust himself to keep his frustration at bay and not blow up at her.

“Okay, so you’re not an angel,” he says, still walking back and forth over the same three feet. “But this isn’t a regular dream, so…what are you? And did he send you?”

“Which he?” she asks.

Oh Jesus Christ.

“Castiel!”

She blinks at him a few times, but gives no indication his outburst has made any effect on her. He sighs and whispers, “Sorry.”

“No, Castiel didn’t send me here,” she answers. Dean closes his eyes. Then, seriously, what the hell? “I volunteered to come.” His eyes open again. He looks at her, and…honestly, he just wishes someone would be straight with him. Castiel won’t answer his questions and tells him the bare minimum. And Layla…

He just wants to know what the hell is going on.

“Layla,” he sits on the edge of the bed, in the very same spot she had been sitting when he’d walked into this room, yet again. “Please. Please just tell me what’s going on.”

She pushes off from the wall and sits next to him. “The first time we met, and last time we were here, the last time we were sitting on this bed, I told you ‘God works in mysterious ways’.” He closes his eyes again. He remembers. He remembers well, which must have been why he couldn’t stand to hear those words come out of Castiel’s mouth.

Maybe he had always assumed Layla was dead. And he hated that he knew that he had been right now.

“I’m here because I knew that you would listen to me,” she tells him. He looks over at her, and all of this is so damn familiar. She looks the same. Still young, but still fragile. He thinks he should feel haunted, but, honestly, he’s just glad to see her again. “God has a plan for you, Dean. I know you don’t understand it, maybe you won’t until it’s truly time. But He believes in you.” She reaches out and holds the side of his head and her hand. Again. “And so do I. And that is why He allowed me to come here.”

“To convince me to follow Castiel?” It’s the cynicism, the pessimism, and a lifetime of looking at the ugly in the world that drive the question. She doesn’t pull away though, doesn’t let herself be driven off. Layla has always been like that. Nothing chips away at her faith. It’s like steel.

“No,” she answers, shaking her head. “To let you know that there’s a greater plan. That there’s someone watching over you.”

“God,” Dean snorts. In his head, he knows it’s the wrong thing to say, or, at least, the wrong way to say it. He doesn’t mean to be condescending, but even after all he’s been through, all that has happened lately, he still has to fight with the faithlessness the twenty eight years before have beaten into him.

She shakes her head though and he meets her eyes. “Me.”

“Layla…” He doesn’t know what he’s supposed to say after that, but he thinks he should say something. She just smiles at him and tilts her head.

“You don’t have to say anything,” she tells him. “But remember what I said to you.”

“I wish this all made sense to me,” he confesses to her. Because, he really needs to say this, and if he had to pick someone to say it to, he would have picked her. “I wish I could have faith. But I look around, and…I don’t see the world you saw. I don’t have the belief you had.”

She nods. “I know,” she tells him. “But…I got one miracle out of you before.” He looks at her, confused, and then he remembers.

“You know about that, huh?” He looks away without really knowing why. It figures, only he could be embarrassed by something like prayer.

“He told me,” she replies, and there’s a little bit of laughter behind her voice. “I know this isn’t easy for you, Dean. You won’t wake up one morning with faith, you won’t suddenly believe in God and in His plan and His work. But He does work in mysterious ways. You may not understand them now, but you will with time. If you can’t believe Him, or Castiel, then believe me.”

He doesn’t know what to believe. Can he believe her? No one he has ever known has been as faithful as Layla, has seemed as sure as her. And she’s here, in this dream which is closer to reality than any dream he has had before, so isn’t that a validation of everything she’d believed in when she had been alive?

He doesn’t know what he believes. He’s only beginning to sift through all the shit that’s been dumped in his lap since he came back. How can he know what to believe.

But Layla is Layla, and all he knows is that he wants to believe her.

“I don’t want to wake up yet.” It’s the one thing he is sure of at the moment. She looks at him curiously, and he shrugs. “You’re much better company than he is.”

“And a lot better to look at too,” she replies.

Holy shit! She heard that?

“Can you…you know what I’m thinking?”

“We are in your head, Dean,” she replies, giggling a little. He buries his face in his hand. Damn it. He hadn’t even been thinking about that until two seconds ago, now it’s all he can think about and she’s hearing all of it.

“I’m sorry,” she says, between laughing. “I can stop. I’ll stop.”

He looks over at her from across the space that separates them. It’s only about a foot. He not-so-subtly moves closer to her and she smiles at him. “You’re gonna make me wake up now, aren’t you?” he asks. She smiles. “Yeah, I thought so.”

“It’s time,” she tells him.

Why does it have to be?

“How much longer can you give me?” he asks.

“About a minute,” she tells him.

Good enough. There’s something he’s always wanted to do, and this is as close as he’s ever going to get to being able to do it now. He nods a few times and moves forward, holding her face in his hand and kissing her. He knows she isn’t real, not in the sense he’s used to thinking of her in, but damn it, she’s Layla, and she’s here, and he can touch her and feel her, and kiss her. So he’s going to.

She holds his arm in her hand, squeezing and holding on, pulling close. He’s actually counting the seconds. Ten, twenty, thirty. It isn’t enough time, but it’s all he gets. He pulls away at twenty and leans his forehead against hers. Even in a dream, they have to catch their breath.

He closes his eyes at tightly, and even though he can’t see her, he thinks her eyes are closed too. They breathe in and out together, and he whispers, “Goodbye, Layla.”

Eight.

Seven.

Six.

“Goodbye Dean.” It’s the second time she’s said that to him, and it’s no surprise that it hurts just as much as the first time. She holds his arm in her hand, hard, and he holds the back of her neck in his.

He breathe in and out again, and he kisses her one last time.

Three.

Two.

One.
busy
busy
The Show Must Go On - Queen
 
 
 
Alex Amaya: Dean's so awesome!hawk_sama on October 17th, 2008 09:12 pm (UTC)
That has to be one of the better thinks I have ever read... Dean/Layla was always just awesome, but this is so a new level! I truly loved this, really~ The final parts were my favorites ones, so much meaning in them...

Hawk~
Amanda: d/l → i believed in usisis2015 on October 18th, 2008 12:47 am (UTC)
Aw, well, thank you very much. :) That's so nice of you to say! Dean/Layla is one of my biggest obsessions, so it's nice to know other people like the pairing too.
Virtual Insomniavirtualinsomnia on October 17th, 2008 10:47 pm (UTC)
I love all your Dean/Layla fic, so I decide to friend you so I don't miss any in the future.

This one is especially awesome, as was the Phone Call/Sacrifice series. Great work!
Amanda: d/l → the hint of a sparkisis2015 on October 18th, 2008 12:48 am (UTC)
This one is especially awesome, as was the Phone Call/Sacrifice series. Great work!

Aw, thanks! :D I'm so glad to hear that. That's very nice of you to say.
katelennon on October 17th, 2008 11:26 pm (UTC)
Holy frak
I have to say, one of the most moving pieces of prose that I've read in a long, long time.

Lovely, thank you for sharing!
Amanda: d/l → closerisis2015 on October 18th, 2008 12:49 am (UTC)
Re: Holy frak
Wow. Well, thanks! :D That's so nice of you to say. I'm so glad you liked it.
katelennon on October 18th, 2008 04:33 am (UTC)
Well, I only gush
when it's clearly due. So, kudos once again!
Amanda: d/l → take careisis2015 on October 18th, 2008 04:37 am (UTC)
Re: Well, I only gush
Thank you, very much.
Sena Flash: supernatural ~ dean kill memoment_of_sen on October 18th, 2008 05:41 am (UTC)
This was really quite sweet, I enjoyed it, well done =)

Just one thing... I'm not sure you meant eighty seconds in that minute up there...
Amanda: d/l → i forgot to tell you i love youisis2015 on October 18th, 2008 06:30 am (UTC)
Thank you. :)
Fangirlage like WHOA.: SPN // J&M - Way Back Whenhopelessfangirl on October 19th, 2008 08:33 pm (UTC)
GUH, this is absolutely beautiful. You know, considering and I know about your own perspective on the existance of God and all of that, you write Layla and her faith so intricately. I don't know how you get into her head like that, but it's amazing. ♥

I also loved this part:

“You’re much better company than he is.”

“And a lot better to look at too,” she replies.

Holy shit! She heard that?


LOL. ♥
Amanda: d/l → little boy and little girlisis2015 on October 19th, 2008 08:57 pm (UTC)
Thanks hun! :D I've been wanting to write this pretty much since 'Are You There, God? It's Me, Dean Winchester', so I'm very glad you liked it.