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Fic: Among the Ruins (Kate/Sawyer) 
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User: [info]isis2015
Name: Amanda
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May 2008
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3rd-Jan-2008 06:25 pm
btvs → big damn hero, kate → everything changes, spn → idk my bff lauren?, d/l → little boy and little girl, bela → end of the line, fnl → julie and tyra, j2 → lesbian gay type lovers, juliet → the other woman, spn → on the dark side of the moon, fnl → the girls, vm → girl from mars, mm → wear your past, oth → true love never fades, mm → happy and carefree, mm → party girl, sandy → teh padalaugh, sun → i am strong, d/l → all the things i should have done, js → i couldn't keep you safe, sandy → lady in red, stock → shoes!, dean → ...you're the shortbus, spn → gay love saves the day, d/l → the trio, jy → there is only you, d/l → their love is so pure, d/l → i forgot to tell you i love you, bela → bela hates you too, d/l → sam is the best brother ever, sawyer → smile, sam → brain go splody, stock → ilu!, sandy → idk my bff jared?, d/l → the hint of a spark, yjk → shiny happy people, pd → charlotte charles, sun → i won't be lost, btvs → he's my everything, spn → sid and nancy, d/l → and never let you go, oth → peyton sawyer, dean → okay now i'm depressed, d/l → take care, dean → dean smile, sandy → all smiles, sun → i love you, dean → broken nail, l → omg bounce and squee!, d/l → layla has come for the sex, dean → f*ck off, s/j → married to a rockstar, s/j → jared and sandy, l → a friend's love, fnl → matt and julie, sun → i heart sun, dean → don't objectify me, d/l → i'm with you, oth → best friends forever, mm → beach girl, juliet → i am strong, pd → i'll be your best friend, sawyer → wtf?!, l → oh you're my best friend, s/j → jared hearts sandy, sandy → sandy says omg!, sawyer → hero of the moment, sawyer → i'll look after you, oth → brooke davis, kane → this is my kane icon, js → i heart jack/sawyer, d/l → i'll watch over you, l → we stand together, d/l → i want you by my side, btvs → still, d/l → i believed in us, d/l → at first sight, sam → cutie pie, d/l → i'd give up forever, d/l → we never had the chance, quotes → classy and fabulous, fnl → julie taylor, sawyer → having a blonde moment, vd → logan is a poo face, pd → my one and only, sun → until it burns you numb, sun → do we have to fuck you up?, stock → little miss sunshine, kane → this is my steve icon, spn → the brothers winchester, spn → extreme glomp, sun → taking care of business, vd → real love stories, jk → you could mean everything to me, oth → my not-so-secret shame, spn → 'cause we're so awesome, sun → glomp!, mm → sparkly things!, js → coming undone, d/l → closer, claire → little sister, j/j → we're in this together, oth → b. davis and p. sawyer, fnl → i choose you, sawyer → what's in a name?
Title: Among the Ruins
Rating: PG
Summary: This isn’t goodbye. It isn’t ‘I love you’. It is as close as Kate has ever gotten to being someone’s anchor. It is a plan.
Disclaimer: I do not own Lost. At all. I wish but alas...
Author's Note: Set during 'I Do'. Used for [info]philosophy_20, prompt #12: 6th sense.



Kate isn’t good at being an anchor. She isn’t good at giving comfort, providing steady ground because she isn’t steady.

She isn’t good at saying the things that need to be said, the things that sound too much like goodbye. She guesses Sawyer wouldn’t want to hear them anyway. They’re alike like that. They prefer to just go, to leave things behind without acknowledgment.

As she lays with Sawyer, she knows they’re in the eye of the storm, feels it with everything in her. Her body is heavy. Exhausted. This close to giving up for good. She is rocked gently against Sawyer’s chest by the way he exhales and inhales. She knows he feels it too, feels the tide turning, the storm coming.

It won’t be long now. She doesn’t know what’s going to happen, but it won’t be good. Danny is out for Sawyer’s blood, and Kate can’t keep him alive any more than Sawyer can – or wants – to keep himself alive. But that doesn’t mean she can’t try. Maybe he’s taking this as goodbye, but she doesn’t care, because it’s not.

Does she love him? She doesn’t know. Maybe. And maybe she isn’t ready to let go of that maybe. Maybe she isn’t ready to let go of Sawyer. And maybe, just maybe, if he can’t live for himself, she can try to make him live for her.

This isn’t goodbye. It isn’t ‘I love you’. It is as close as Kate has ever gotten to being someone’s anchor. It is a plan. It is a lifeline. All she can do was hope that Sawyer was smart enough to reach out and grab hold.

She feels like he just might be.
Comments 
4th-Jan-2008 03:14 am (UTC)
[info]jenthegypsy
Oh, very, very good - and a rarity these days, an uplifting S/K ficlet. Well done!
4th-Jan-2008 03:16 am (UTC)
[info]isis2015
Thanks, hun! :) I'm glad you liked it.
4th-Jan-2008 05:52 am (UTC)
[info]aboutbunnies
Oh, this is wonderful. Such a great perspective on I Do. Love it!
4th-Jan-2008 05:53 am (UTC)
[info]isis2015
Thank you! :D
4th-Jan-2008 03:10 pm (UTC)
[info]lenina20
This is... I mean, this is perfect. There are so many lines that say so much. I think this is beautifully written but I so think that is extremely courageous. Because it's not easy to approach I Do from Kate's perspective. What is Kate doing in I DO? Why is she doing it?

This isn’t goodbye. It isn’t ‘I love you’. It is as close as Kate has ever gotten to being someone’s anchor. It is a plan. It is a lifeline. All she can do was hope that Sawyer was smart enough to reach out and grab hold.

This is probably the best answer that anyone could offer for those questions. And it's so poignant, and very spot one what it says about Kate. And very brave, too. Maybe she's doing it for Sawyer, maybe she's doing it for herself. Maybe she can't help doing it. Maybe those things are all the same thing.

And maybe she isn’t ready to let go of that maybe. Maybe she isn’t ready to let go of Sawyer. And maybe, just maybe, if he can’t live for himself, she can try to make him live for her.

That is amazing, and again, it's a very brave thing to put that thought in Kate's head and it requires a lot of insight and talent to make it work, to make it true, and not just convenient for the story.

I love a lot of things about this piece, but the best one is that it does not take I DO at face value. It is not a goodbye, it was never meant as a goodbye. I love that there is not a clear answer for that, for what was it meant as and, that if there is an answer, it does not rule out other answers. And it's honest to the character, and brave.

4th-Jan-2008 09:02 pm (UTC)
[info]isis2015
When I look at I Do, and the decision Kate made to sleep with Sawyer, I don't think she did it out of pity, and I don't think she was saying goodbye. Maybe it's possible she was grateful to him for trying to keep her hoping, but I think it's a lot more interesting if it were part of a plan of hers to give him something to live for, because it was clear to her that he had little to no value for his own life. I still don't think, at this point or really any point in canon, if Kate thinks she wants to be with Sawyer. I think that's the point, though. Kate needs the option. She isn't ready to let go of the possibility. I think in sleeping with Sawyer, she was trying to hold onto the possibility of him as well as motivate him to care about living.

The idea interests me, so I thought I'd try my hand at writing it, and I'm glad you enjoyed what I came up with, and most importantly, that you thought it worked well. That means a lot to me, thank you.
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