Title: More Than I Deserve
Rating: PG
Summary: For the first time in a year, she feels like she had always felt when she was with Kevin. Safe. Comfortable. Loved.
Disclaimer: I do not own Lost. At all. I wish but alas...
Author's Note: Used for philosophy_20, prompt #13: love beyond desire.



Kate has been in prison for almost a year when he comes to see her. To say that she’s surprised would be a dramatic understatement.

“Hello,” he says, into the phone, from the other side of the glass. “Kate,” he adds, softly. It comes out a bit clipped, like he’s not quite used to saying the word. To knowing her name.

“Kevin,” she says, breathes it out like a sigh, like she can’t believe he’s really sitting in front of her. She can’t believe, after everything, that he would even want to see her. She can’t deny the truth, though; she’s glad he’s here.

“I wasn’t sure I could do this,” he says. She nods, because she understands. After all this time her heart still aches. She looks at him and remembers exactly what it was like to be his wife. It makes her feel uplifted and then empty all over again. She feels the loss, as strong now as it was the day she had run.

“I’m glad you did,” she tells him, almost on the verge of tears now. “It’s good to see you.”

Kevin nods. “It’s good to see you, too,” he replies. It makes her smile, sadly, because she doubts it’s really true. After what she had done to him, she wouldn’t fault him in the least.

“Do you mean that?” she asks, willing her voice to stop shaking.

“I do. Hard as it may be to believe,” he answers, with a slight smile. It makes Kate smile back, duck her head. It reminds her of their early dates, back when they were still trying to figure each other out – the first step on the road to falling in love. Seeing Kevin makes so many old feelings come running back to her all at once.

“I saw you on the news a lot,” Kevin tells her and she nods. She had been big news for about a week – the fugitive turned survivor. Now she was old news, one of many inmates. “I read all the articles. I had no idea…no idea what you’d been through.”

Kate tries not the show it, but inside of her mind she wonders how on earth Kevin has skipped over the fact that she had killed Wayne and latched onto her childhood and her family. No one else had. She clears her throat and tries to say something, anything.

“I didn’t know how to tell you,” she all but whispers, simply. Kevin searches her face, trying to figure her out.

“Why?” he asks, quietly.

Kate chokes up but fights it back down. “Because…” she attempts, but her voice catches. “Because I didn’t think you could still love me, if you knew who I really was, what happened to me, what I did.”

She does cry then. Tears spill down her face and she wipes them away. Kevin sets his hand on the glass in front of her, spreads his palm out. It gets her attention, and she looks back up at him.

“Well, I do,” he answers. Her mouth falls open.

“You still…” is all that she can get out.

Kevin nods. “I still,” he replies.

Unable to think of reply – all of her words have suddenly vanished – she reaches out and sets her hand on the glass, spreading her palm out in the middle of Kevin’s. For the first time in a year, she feels like she had always felt when she was with Kevin. Safe. Comfortable. Loved.