Title: Fallout – Part Seven
Rating: PG-13
Summary: Until Sawyer wakes up, it’s just this. Just him, and Jack, and Sawyer’s big bed. Until Sawyer wakes up, the world is just about them.
Disclaimer: I do not own Lost. At all. I wish but alas...
Author's Note: This is the next part of my continuing Jack/Sawyer, post-apocalyptic AU saga. :) As per the request of my flist, here is the next part of this,
Previous Parts: Part One | Part Two | Part Three | Part Four | Part Five | Part Six



Jack wakes up with Sawyer. His arm is around Sawyer’s back and it seems as though Sawyer had decided, in the night, that Jack was the bed and had draped half of his body across half of Jack’s. He’s heavy, and his long, blonde hair is tickling Jack’s chest. Jack doesn’t care. Because, when Sawyer wakes up, their day is over. Everything goes back to being about the crisis at hand, about Claire, and the Dharma people, and everything else that seems to be going wrong, all at once.

Until Sawyer wakes up, it’s just this. Just him, and Jack, and Sawyer’s big bed. Until Sawyer wakes up, the world is just about them.

So, of course, Sawyer wakes up a few minutes after Jack, blinks up at him a couple of times, and smiles. Jack can tell, from the almost sheepish look on his face, that Sawyer hadn’t imagined that he’d be the one who’s sleeping body sought out the other person to wrap itself around. Embarrassment is a good look on Sawyer. Then again, what isn’t?

Jack smiles back, and Sawyer sits up, finally giving Jack the opportunity to stretch his arm, to work out the kinks of a night spent with someone using it as a pillow. Jack isn’t complaining, but his arm sure is.

“Hey,” he says, sitting up himself. Sawyer smiles, a bit awkwardly, and nods back, stretching out on the other side of the bed, like a cat after it just wakes up. Jack watches, wondering if this is the inevitable moment when Sawyer freaks out – which wouldn’t be unwarranted, he’ll admit – and shoves him away. Sawyer looks like the kind. Jack isn’t altogether sure he isn’t the kind, as well. But, at the moment, he’s pretty much in the "head-over-heels-can’t-see-straight" place, and all he really wants is to stay in this bed.

“Hey,” Sawyer replies, his voice low and gravelly. Jack deduces, from that alone, that he’s not a morning person, that he’ll need at least a half an hour before he’ll be ready to have an actual conversation. So just stops talking, just scoots a little closer to Sawyer, reaches out his arms and pulls him back. It’s not quite a hug, and they’re not quite cuddling. They’re just…laying really close.

“Can’t fall asleep,” Sawyer mumbles. His eyes are closed anyway, and it makes Jack smile. “Stuff to do.”

“Important stuff,” Jack agrees. His mind is already floating away from Sawyer, back to Claire. He knows that Sawyer is counting on him not to let him fall asleep. Sawyer knows his responsibilities, that much is clear, but he needs a little help with the follow through. Help that Jack is all to happy to give.

“Can’t fall asleep,” Sawyer repeats, which is all the confirmation that Jack needs that he’s a hop, skip, and a jump away from it. He reaches out and touches Sawyer’s shoulder, shakes him a little bit until Sawyer opens his eyes and stares daggers at him, even though he had just insisted that sleep was out of the question. It just makes Jack smile more and pull Sawyer up to a sitting position.

Predictably, Sawyer whines about it all the way, and Jack can’t say, given his position, that he wouldn’t have done the same thing. But Sawyer needs to get up, and as much as Jack might want to spend all day in bed with him, it just isn’t going to happen. Today is very important. Plans will be made, plans that Jack needs, as an assurance that he’s going to find his sister, that everything will be okay. What he wants is at battle with what he needs, and, at the moment, what he needs is winning.

“Come on, we’ll go get breakfast,” Jack says, throwing Sawyer a clean shirt and stealing one of Sawyer’s for his own. He doesn’t much fancy going downstairs, with Sawyer, in the clothes he was wearing last night. There are enough problems and rumors without creating new ones.

“This gonna be somethin’ we’re gonna have to hide?” Sawyer asks, pulling on the shirt Jack had thrown at him. Maybe that conversation thing was going to happen earlier than Jack had predicted. He turns to Sawyer and runs his hand over the back of his neck. He shrugs.

“I don’t know,” he answers, because he honestly doesn’t. He has no desire to hide it beyond saving face. And not his, Sawyer’s. Jack doesn’t know these people. He doesn’t know how they feel about him, if they trust him at all, despite both Sawyer and Sayid’s assurances. He doesn’t want to cause problems for Sawyer if he doesn’t have to. “What do you want to do?”

Sawyer shrugs. “Hell, doc, how am I supposed to know?” he replies. “I ain’t ever done this before.”

“What do you think this is, Sawyer?” Jack asks, minding his tone very carefully. Because, with the wrong tone, that is a dangerous question. Sawyer looks at him for a minute, trying to figure out exactly what Jack means.

“You tell me,” Sawyer challenges. Jack closes his eyes and shakes his head.

“Well, I don’t know about you, but I certainly don’t go around worrying that friends of mine have ruined my chances at being with someone just by…well, being themselves.”

Sawyer snorts a laugh. “And I don’t get gettin’ jealous over just anyone.”

“And it’s certainly been a long time since I’ve shared a bed with anyone,” Jack comments, almost off hand. He figures, why not throw it out there? He doubts he’ll get the same from Sawyer, but he doesn’t figure that matters much, either.

“It’s been a long time since I’ve had anyone in my bed,” Sawyer replies, and Jack is a little surprised. He quirks an eyebrow at Sawyer, but Sawyer just chuckles. “We done with this, now? Let’s just say…it is what it is. We’ll figure it out along the way.”

“Sounds good to me,” Jack replies. “But…just, one more thing.”

“Okay,” Sawyer says. “What?”

“Well, um…” Jack stumbles over his words a bit, embarrassed that he’s even about to say what he’s saying. But he has to say it, to put it out there, to have it said. “We’re…both…you know…”

“Guys?” Sawyer finishes. Jack nods, sheepishly, and Sawyer laughs and shakes his head at Jack. Jack crack and laughs too, shaking his head at himself. He knew it was a stupid thing to say when he was saying it. “Do you care?”

Jack shakes his head. “No.”

“Well, me neither. There. It’s outta the way. Can we go eat now?”

Jack nods. “Yeah. Sure. Let’s go.”

Jack starts to walk for the door ahead of Sawyer, but then slows down until he catches up. Sawyer pulls the door open, motions for Jack to go ahead, but once on the other side, Jack waits for Sawyer again. As they head for the stairs, Sawyer chuckles and says, “Wanna hold my hand too?”

Jack snorts and shoves Sawyer ahead of him. “Fine, be that way,” Sawyer huffs, all bravado, nothing real behind it. Jack just laughs and shoves him again.

*

If it’s possible, this meeting is even more tense than the last one Jack had been involved in. He questions if they’re always like this, if Ana always watches everyone with that predatory look in her eyes, or if Locke and Eko always book-end each other at the end of the table and look ahead as if they’re contemplating all of the mysteries of the universe.

None of them are too happy that Kate is there, or maybe even Jack himself. They don’t like upheaval and they don’t trust easily, that much is clear. Jack doesn’t know how he would feel if the shoe was on the other foot. But, then, that’s always been Jack’s flaw. He trusts far too easily.

“Sawyer, why are we here?” Desmond asks. Sawyer leans back in his chair and can’t help but glance Jack’s way before taking control of the meeting.

“I promised Jack I’d help him get his kid sister back,” Sawyer tells everyone. “And I’m gonna keep that promise. I just wanna know who’s behind me and who ain’t.”

“Wait, do you mean going after them?” Penny asks, sounding horrified by the very idea. Sawyer can’t say he blames her. It doesn’t exactly sit well with him. He frowns and she must have taken that as a ‘yes’ because she gapes at him like he’s out of his mind.

“How do we even know they have her?” Locke asks, and Sayid snorts as if he finds that thought preposterous.

“Of course they have her,” he says. “She’s not here, we know that. She’s pregnant. They kidnap pregnant women. It’s simple addition.”

“You’re thinking of going after them to get her back?” Desmond interjects. “Hasn’t that been tried before?”

“Multiple times,” Eko answers, in his booming, authoritative voice. No one dares to talk over him, not even Ana, who sits at his side, looking as angry and on-edge as ever. Jack can’t say, in this instance, that he blames her.

“Jack, is it even remotely possible that your sister just…ran away?” Locke asks, and Jack wouldn’t have taken it so personally if he hadn’t had this exact argument with Christian.

“No,” Jack and Kate answer at the same time. They turn to each other, surprised, but Jack shakes his head and turns away. Kate, however, goes on. “Claire wouldn’t do that. She was smarter than that. Is. She is smarter than that.”

“Yes, she is,” Sayid agrees. “And Nikki is as well. They never would have left of their own accord. They were kidnapped. There are not many things that I am sure of any more, but I am sure of that.”

“Yeah, now that we’ve established things we already knew,” Sawyer interrupts, frustrated. He’s going to have enough trouble convincing enough people to follow him. He doesn’t need to convince them the girl was actually kidnapped when it’s obvious that she was as well. It’s a waste of time to debate facts. “I’m lookin’ for a plan here.”

“Are you sure this is smart, Sawyer?” Locke asks, leaning forward with his hands folded on the table. He has a thoughtful look on his face, but Sawyer couldn’t me more aggravated at the moment, so he doesn’t take it very well.

“Look, all of you were more than willin’ to run after Mike when he decided to take the hell off in the middle of the night like an idiot. But a pregnant girl, what, that doesn’t raise your sympathy?” Everyone looks away from him then, shamed by his judgment. Jack has to admit, he’s enthralled by Sawyer, by how much he seems to care about someone he’s never met. Maybe it’s not about Claire, maybe he’s just still angry at the Dharma people, but Jack would like to pretend, just for the moment.

“You know what, I really don’t care,” Sawyer adds. “If you wanna help, stick around. If you don’t, nobody’s keepin’ you here.” Nobody gets up and leaves, so Sawyer just leans back in his chair and picks up where he left off. “Any ideas?”

“We need scouts,” Ana announces. Sawyer turns his attention on her.

“Scouts to watch their scouts?” Sawyer asks. She nods.

“We have to know who’s watching us, where from, and get rid of them,” she says. Sawyer nods along. “We’ll never even get close if we don’t.”

“That’s their one job, you really think we’ll even get close to them?” Sawyer questions.

“I can,” Sayid replies. Sawyer turns to face him. “I can incapacitate the scouts. They are smart, but they tend to work in patters. They never have more than two in the day, four in the night. I believe I can locate them and incapacitate them so that we can move forward.”

“Can’t we just…” Jack starts, but feels horribly awkward interjecting ideas. Everyone’s eyes are on him, and it’s nothing like being at home, talking with Boone and Shannon, Hurley and Libby, Sun, Jin, and everybody else. They’re his friends. Here, he’s a stranger, talking to strangers.

“Go ahead,” Sawyer encourages, without sounding overly sympathetic. It’s there in his eyes, Jack can see it, but he keeps it well covered, only shows it to Jack.

“Can’t we just sneak around them?” Jack asks. “They didn’t find me before you guys did.”

“Or me,” Kate adds.

“We’d have no way to know if they did or not,” Sayid replies, looking at the both of them.

“Why not?” Kate questions.

“Because if they do not need you, they will leave you alone. If you do not challenge them, or discover them, they won’t touch you,” Sayid tells them. “As I said, they are intelligent. They do not reveal themselves easily. We may be able to pass undiscovered, but only if we are very lucky. And we would never know if we weren’t until they were upon us.”

“So, as the plan stands, you go out and take out their scouts while we wait here for the all clear,” Sawyer sums up, his brain obviously working a mile a minute, sorting through thought after thought. “Any other ideas?”

“They’re not surrounding the hotel, correct?” Penny interjects. Sawyer turns to face her and shakes his head.

“Not as far as I know.”

“Then why not set out to the north, away from them, and then circle back around, approach them from behind,” she suggests. Jack screws up his face and leans forward against the table.

“Wait, you know where they are?” he asks, glancing at Sawyer, then back around the table. Sawyer shares a look with Sayid, but no one else at the table notices because the conversation is going on without them.

“They occupy a great deal of territory,” Desmond explains. “Your sister could be anywhere inside of it. We only know where they are, not specifically where she is.”

Jack leans back in his chair, nodding, and Sawyer breathes a secret, silent sigh of relief. He’s going to need to talk to Sayid when this is all over, that’s for sure. “Okay, so far, I like that idea better,” Sawyer says. “No use wastin’ bullets when we don’t need to. We’re gonna need ‘em the closer we get anyway.”

“We’re gonna need more than just us,” Ana announces.

“What am I supposed to do, start draftin’ people?” Sawyer asks.

Ana shrugs. “If that’s what it takes.”

“This ain’t an army base, it’s a hotel, and if you think I’m takin’ people I promised to protect and turnin’ them into canon fodder just ‘cause you’ve got an axe to grind, you’ve got more screws loose than I thought,” Sawyer spits out, angrily. Ana stares daggers at him.

“If you don’t, we won’t win this,” Ana challenges.

“It ain’t about winnin’,” Sawyer bites back. “This ain’t an invasion. It’s a rescue mission, and I think you best remember that.”

Ana leans back in her chair with a huff, but doesn’t argue any further. “What do we do once we get close?” Sawyer continues. Sayid sighs.

“I think it would be foolish to plan any further,” he answers. Sawyer turns to him and raises an eyebrow. “You’ve dealt with them in the past, Sawyer. You know that they’re unpredictable and that we are walking into a situation which we are not in control of. We don’t know what awaits us, and we cannot plan on something that we do not know. It will only get more people killed.”

Sawyer nods, knowing that Sayid is right. These people can’t be counted upon to stick to many routines. They do to keep their parameter safe, that’s true, but beyond that, they’re wildly unpredictable and crazy to boot. Sawyer doesn’t much like the idea of charging back into their territory, but he’d made a promise and no matter what kind of man he is, he always keeps his promises.

“I’ll check the ammo and the supplies tomorrow,” Sawyer assures. Sayid nods.

“I will help you,” he offers.

“You should all bring a few changes of clothes, enough food, and leave plenty of room for extra bullets,” Sawyer suggests, and from the way everyone is nodding, Jack guesses they’ve done this once or twice before. He steals a glance over at Kate, who looks as captivated by all of this as he is. Neither of them have said much the whole meeting, and maybe that’s for the better. Maybe they haven’t earned their place yet.

“Will you at least ask if any of them want to help?” Ana suggests and Sawyer sighs. “We don’t have enough people, Sawyer. And you know that.”

He shakes his head and closes his eyes tight. “Yeah, I’ll ask,” he says. “But I ain’t forcin’ anyone to do anything they don’t wanna do.” Ana nods, and even if she’s not entirely satisfied, she looks like she is more than she was a moment ago.

“When do we leave?” Eko asks, as if that’s all he needs to know, because it really is.

“What do we say, two days?”

“Dawn or midnight?” Sayid asks and Jack decides that, yes, they have done this before.

“Dawn,” Sawyer says, emphatically, even though he hates the idea of being up that early. He hates the idea of going outside of the hotel at night even more. They were twice as vigilant, and they had an axe to grind with him. It was safer in the day. He could see better. “Objections?”

Silence.

“Alright then,” he says, getting up from his chair, and everyone takes that as the signal that the meeting is over, because they start rising and leaving, one by one. Jack lingers behind, waiting for Sawyer, but, as a result, so does Kate, which makes Sawyer hang back a bit further.

“Hey,” Kate says, as they walk out the door. “Look, I just want to say-”

“Kate,” Jack interrupts. “Don’t. Don’t say you’re sorry again. We both know you’re not.”

“I should be here, Jack,” Kate insists, dropping her act altogether. Jack wishes he could say he was surprised. Jack loves her, but Kate drops and picks up traits so easily that he doesn’t know which ones are hers and which ones aren’t. “She’s my friend.”

“And I’m your friend,” Jack replies. Kate’s mouth shuts and turns into a thin line. “And I asked you to stay behind. Don’t pretend you’re here for Claire, Kate. You’re here because you don’t like to be told ‘no’, because you’re stubborn and you’re convinced you’re right.” Jack sighs. “You’re an adult, Kate. And you can do whatever you want. And you did. I just thought, after all of the years we’ve been friends, that what I think would matter to you. If you want me to forgive you, I will. You know I will. But it’s not going to happen in two days.”

Kate stops in the hallway and Jack stops too. She looks like she might cry and Jack isn’t even sure he’d know why. Is it because he’s still angry? Is it because he said things she didn’t want to hear? He doesn’t know with her. She’s made it impossible to know with her.

She doesn’t say anything, though. She just leaves, just walks away, and Jack thinks she’s trying to make him feel guilty, but he’s just relieved. Because Sawyer approaches him afterward and it’s just them, alone, again.

“I thought you were just mad at her over me,” Sawyer says, like he never bought that in the first place. Jack just sighs and runs his hand over his short hair.

“She’s…she’s always been like this. She does things without thinking and flashes the sad eyes like I’m supposed to just shut up and forgive her. Maybe that worked when we were ten, but…we’re adults now, and she keeps acting like the same rules apply. They don’t.”

Sawyer reaches out and squeezes Jack’s hand. “You’ve got enough to worry about,” he says. “Just…let it happen when it happens.”

“I’m trying,” Jack confides. “But she wants it to happen now.”

Sawyer shrugs. “Well,” he says. “I guess that’s just her too bad.”

Jack shakes his head, wishing it were that easy. But Kate is his friend, has been for most of his life, and as angry as he is, as frustrated with her as he can get, he can never get rid of the part of himself that feels badly for pushing her away. Even if she’s earned it.

“Can we not talk about Kate?” he all but pleads. Sawyer chuckles a little.

“I’d love to not talk about Kate,” he replies, letting go of Jack’s hand and going for his hips instead. “I’d, actually, love not to talk about anything.” It isn’t very original, but Jack chuckles anyway, lets Sawyer back him up against the wall and kiss him.

He feels like he’s back in Sawyer’s bedroom, back to this morning when nothing existed outside of the moment. He feels the awkwardness and the tension of the meeting slipping away, taking reality with it, leaving only Sawyer and him. It all sounds so corny in his head, but it’s true. He’s kissed Sawyer a few times, slept in his bed, but that’s all. What does he really know about him? What does Sawyer really know about Jack?

And yet, the fact remains the same: Jack is falling in love with Sawyer. He doesn’t know if he should, but he is. His heart drowns out his head. Sawyer drowns out everything else.

Part Eight