Title: Aimless in Wander
Rating: PG
Summary: It’s better this way. Temporary is always safer.
Disclaimer: I do not own Lost. At all. I wish but alas...
Author's Note: For philosophy_20, prompt #9: orientation.



It could be said that they found each other through complete and utter coincidence. But neither of them believe in coincidence anymore. Their paths cross again and neither of them are surprised. Kate only looks up from her espresso and her paper with a small smile and Sayid only ducks his head and nods. It was as if they had been waiting for this moment without realizing it. It was as if they had always known it would happen, on some level they weren’t consciously aware they possessed.

“Hello Kate,” Sayid says, pulling out the seat across from here. It screeches against the tile floor, but Kate still smiles faintly, sets down the paper she had been reading.

“Hi,” she replies, tucking a long strand of hair behind her ear. She’s keeping it straight now. It feels odd, but she wanted a change, something new, something different. Sayid nods faintly and it occurs to Kate then that she had never thought this would feel awkward – running into someone from the island. But it is. It’s as if neither of them really know what to say, what they want to say, so the silence swallows them whole and makes them uncomfortable.

Kate hasn’t seen anyone besides Jack, and even him she hasn’t seen in quite a while. Not since he had made it clear that he intended to destroy himself. Not since he had become a recluse and only spoke to Kate when he was too drunk to realize he shouldn’t. They had lost contact, the ones of them that had made it back, going their separate ways – running was more like it – without looking back.

Seeing Sayid again is as much a relief as is uncomfortable. At least she knows he’s okay now. He looks good, like he’s doing well. Or, at least, as well as any of them could be after all the things that they’ve been through. At least he hasn’t spiraled away into a man she can no longer recognize.

“I didn’t think you’d stayed here,” Sayid comments after a long time. Kate breaks out of her reverie and notices then that Sayid seems to be studying her. He did that a lot on the island, listened and watched intently to subtle things that most people didn’t notice – tone of voice, facial expressions. He was searching her, studying her.

She shrugs, picking up her small espresso cup, but she doesn’t drink it. Just fidgets with it. “I couldn’t think of anywhere else to go,” she answers. The truth is, she couldn’t. She couldn’t run anymore. She didn’t have it in her. She was too tired. She felt as though all of air had been let out of her. She had nowhere to go, no one to return to. So she stayed in one place and hoped no one would notice her.

And no one had. Until now. Until Sayid.

“What about you?” Kate asks. “Do you live here now?”

Sayid gets a far-off look on his face, and Kate wishes she was half as good at reading him as he seems to be at reading her. He sighs a small sigh and says, “I’m only passing through.” Kate nods. She finds herself unable to discern how she feels about that. On the one hand, she craves the familiarity of him, the nearness of someone who understands. But on the other, she has left the island behind, was just beginning to let it go and she fears Sayid will bring it all crashing back to her.

“Would you like to go for a walk?” Sayid asks, and Kate doesn’t know why his question doesn’t seem out of the middle of nowhere. It should, she thinks, but it doesn’t. She looks up from the cup she isn’t drinking from and sets it down. She folds the paper and pushes her chair back, away.

“Sure,” she answers, watches Sayid rise from his own seat. When they’re on the street, she reaches for his hand without knowing why. He doesn’t seem surprised by her either. He only squeezes her hand faintly, holds her fingers in between his as they cross the street and enter a park.

It’s new for Kate, a connection to someone, but the fact that that person is Sayid sends memories flooding back to her. Not good, not bad, just memories. Memories from what feels like an entire lifetime ago. It’s easy to get lost in that feeling, but Kate doesn’t let it last for long, because she can’t keep it. Their ways will part, eventually, and Kate knows that she survived loosing a connection she had needed once. She also knows that she won’t be able to do it again.

It’s better this way. Temporary is always safer.