Title: It's a Small Crime
Rating: PG
Summary: Kate has spent nearly her entire life being everyone’s second choice.
Disclaimer: I do not own Lost. At all. I wish but alas...
Author's Note: For philosophy_20, prompt #19: caught in the form of limitation. The title is taken from the Damien Rice song '9 Crimes'.



Kate has spent nearly her entire life being everyone’s second choice. She had always come second after Wayne (her father, the only man that she has ever, really hated) in her mother’s eyes. She came second after Cecilia (the woman who had married her first love, had his children, only met him at all because Kate had left) in Tom’s eyes. She was never the priority, never the one.

And maybe she is used to that. Maybe that’s why she tries so damn hard to make sure that no one can push her to the side – why she clings so tightly to whoever tries. She’s used to being the one that is passed over by everyone that matters to her. This is why she has no idea why she’s so surprised every time she sees Jack with Juliet.

But she is. Every time. It’s always a kick to the gut that knocks the wind out of her, every time she looks over her shoulder and sees them sitting, talking, laughing together. Maybe it isn’t that she hadn’t expected this, but that she had never expected it from Jack.

She looks at Juliet and sees everything that she isn’t – whether it’s really there or not. Whenever she talks, Jack smiles, he laughs. Their connection, strange as it is to everyone but them, seems so effortless, so easy, and Kate thinks that’s what she resents the most. Juliet is genuine with Jack in a way that has never been able to be. Kate always has a wall up, a mask on, an illusion of perfection that she knows is the way that she wants to be seen – by Jack, by everyone. Juliet doesn’t do that, or need that. Her flaws, her past, are on display for Jack, for everyone to see, and to judge. And try as she might, Kate can’t do that.

Kate wonders, if Jack knew everything about her past, if it were laid out in front of him like Juliet’s is, would Jack still look at her the same way? Would he look at her the way he looks at Juliet?

She doesn’t know. And she hates that she can’t stand the idea of figuring out. Because as much as it hurts to see Jack with her, it would hurt even more to know that the way that Jack looks at Juliet has nothing to do with honesty or dishonesty, with genuineness or falsehoods, but with Juliet herself.

Kate can survive many things, but she can’t survive being Jack’s second choice.