Title: 5 Times Sun Wasn't the Good Girl
Rating: PG
Summary: She never means to lie to Jin, to anyone. She never means to let falsehoods slip from her mouth as easily as breath.
Disclaimer: I do not own Lost. At all. I wish but alas...
Author's Note: Used for au100, prompt #1: beginnings.



5.

Sun had watched impassively from her hiding place as her father had lead the maid from the house. She was hurriedly attempting to declare her innocence as she was escorted to the door. But her pleas had fallen on deaf, apathetic ears.

With one hand on her arm, her father had opened the door and gestured for her to leave. Sun watched the door close and watched her father sigh tiredly. He looked around the room, and she backed away a few paces. He was looking for her, attempting to pass along more guilt and intimidation.

He never found her.

4.

She never means to lie to Jin, to anyone. She never means to let falsehoods slip from her mouth as easily as breath.

She finds herself tormented by the image of the way that her life could be. If her father wasn't the dangerous man that she is. If she hadn’t bound her husband to follow his path. She finds herself trying to make that life a possibility.

In the beginning, she had lied in an attempt to attain a different kind of life. At a certain point, she began to lie in order to keep the life she had.

3.

She meant to fire the gun.

It could have easily been an accident, a slip of the finger, a mistake made in a moment of fear. It wasn’t.

When she saw the unarmed woman standing in front of her, she heard Sayid’s voice. “If by chance they get past us -- there's another gun.” She held that gun in her hand. She remembered her reply to Sayid, and found that it held true.

The woman was standing in front of her. That meant that her husband was dead. And she didn’t care anymore. She breathed, she blinked, and she fired.

2.

Sun knew that her father was a dangerous man. She knew what he was capable of, and she always had. From her teenage years on, she had promised herself that she would never be like him. That she would never allow herself to become him.

And then she fell in love. Everything from there shifted. She came to realize, as time went on, that she would do anything to protect him. To protect his name. His reputation.

The day she threatened Jin’s mother’s life, Sun knew that she had broken her promise, that she was no better than her father.

1.

She had kissed Jae. She wished she could say that he had initiated the affair, that she could use that fact as a way to absolve herself of her responsibility. But it would be a lie. Not even to herself.

It was her. Her desire. Her weakness. Her mistake. Her fault. As was every kiss that followed the first. Every last time that their bodies came together in overwhelming passion. Every second, minute, hour that she spent wrapped up in his bed.

She had no one to blame – not Jae, not Jin, not anyone. There was only her. Only her.